Tales From a Pumping Mom

As a first-time mom I had a vision of what my breastfeeding journey would be. I always knew my journey would include using a pump at some point, but I never thought I would become an exclusively breast pumping mama from day 1. I was 10 days overdue with 1 week of being 1 cm dilated and a rising blood pressure. I was induced on Valentine’s Day, but my baby boy didn't make his debut until the following day. Due to a few other complications my skin to skin contact was less than a minute long and my baby boy was whisked away to the NICU. He would remain there for the next 2 days and this is where my pumping journey began.

 I was transferred to my room where I was given a Medela pump and a visit from the lactation consultant, giving me a five-minute tutorial and who encouraged me to breastfeed when I would go to the NICU. I attempted to use the pump while I waited to see my baby. I was clueless, I pushed the button to start and let it go, to my surprise I was able to pump 15ml (1 tablespoon/ 0.5oz) of liquid gold for my baby. For the first time that day I felt relief that at least I would be able to bring my baby some nutrition. I was so overwhelmed when I went to see my baby full of worry, disappointment, guilt and with more questions than answers but I felt so good feeding him that first small bottle. I then attempted to place him on my breast, and he could not latch on he screamed and cried with such desperation to eat and I felt like a complete failure. The nurse told me not to worry and to come back every three hours and try again. As soon as I got back to the room, I tried to pump again but there were barely even two drops. I would try and try again but nothing was coming out. I would go visit him with Boppy pillow in hand every three hours attempting any and every position I could, all I got were nothing but cries of hunger. I never felt so inadequate as I didin those moments. They had to start the baby on formula, and I continued to pump unsuccessfully. On day three my baby was finally brought to my room the nurse encouraged me to breastfeed and I did so with no success. I kept having to request formula and at the facility where I gave birth formula is kept in the medication cart (Pyxis), which meant I had to call the nurse each time. Each time I was asked Did you try to breastfeed? Did you try to pump? My feeling of inadequacy grew with each failed attempt to breastfeed.

I could not wait to leave the hospital that evening and get home to a fully stocked cabinet of formula. I wanted to just give up on the pumping and breastfeeding. I felt completely discouraged but my mom told me not to give up, its normal to have low milk supply the first few days. Just hearing from my mom what I was experiencing was normal gave me enough encouragement to keep pumping. For home I purchased the Spectra S2 I had received the pump in the mail a month before my due date, but I waited until I got home from the hospital to open the box and read the instructions on how to actually use it. I knew that I wanted to at least try both methods for my baby. I did try for a few more days for the baby to latch on but at that point he was so use to the bottle that he would just scream and that is when I decided to concentrate on pumping. Some may say I gave up on breastfeeding, but I wanted my baby to get breastmilk by any means.

 After 2 weeks I was able to cut the formula feedings by half. It took a full month to be able to pump enough for him to be 100% breastmilk fed. It took two months for me to have a surplus of milk by the end of the day. It also took me two months to realize I could pump both breasts at the same time and to purchase a hands-free bra. I look back and laugh now of how hard it was when I was using two hands to pump one boob at a time, and the time it took up. 

At first my goal was to reach three months, then six months which is coming up in a week for me but now the new goal is nine to twelve months. Currently I cut back on pumping to every four hours during the day and once overnight this has helped tremendously. I showed my husband a posting on Instagram from @legendarymilk with a hack to make the Spectra S2 portable he hooked my pump up with a portable battery when I was about three months postpartum this has saved my sanity. Allowing me to pump on the go whether it’s changing a diaper and pumping, fixing my makeup and pumping or in the car it has given me flexibility to pump and not be stuck to an outlet. 

I take pumping one day at a time and learning as I go. I watch Youtube videos, follow a few breastfeeding Instagram pages, I look for support in other mamas. I can honestly say I have moments where I absolutely hate it but when those moments do come I look at my son and remind myself these temporary feelings of exhaustion, frustration, isolation, loneliness, pain, and mixed emotions are just that temporary just like my pumping journey. Soon it will end, and I will be free from the pump until baby number two comes God willing but his health and development will have an everlasting impact from the liquid gold I've provided him. 

-Evonny