Ariadne's 2nd Breastfeeding Journey!

With my first son, the pregnancy and birthing experience were stressful to say the least. My job was letting me go, which meant my health insurance too. My husband’s job was equally letting him go. Here we were, two almost unemployed adults, pregnant awaiting the birth of our first. The biggest blessing we’ve come to appreciate later, was the fact that we were living with my parents. My mom was and still is my biggest cheerleader, life supporter, super mommy and mentor.

I was fortunate enough to get hired at 7 months pregnant. What that meant as a school teacher, was going back to work three weeks post c-section with a 45 minute commute, something I had never known. Being in a new job and new mom was A LOT of figuring out. Thank God for living at my parents because despite the fact that I worked 10 hours a day, I  rest assured that the baby was never alone with the babysitter for more than an hour due to the constant coming and going/ fluctuating schedules of my mom, dad, husband and sister. I was beyond blessed. It didn’t make me feel better as I was stuck in traffic crying but hindsight I had it made. What pained me was only being able to pump once a day (in a bathroom) during my ten hour days. From the beginning I offered him formula because I knew I was going back to work at three weeks post partum. When I would come home from work at 4pm, I would nurse straight through until 6 am, when I had to leave for work again. I literally did nothing else and had no other responsibilities: My family really catered to this. My sister bringing me barrels full of ice water, my mom bringing me dinner and even feeding me. Even in their own male ways my dad and husband helped. I was living proof that it does take a village. As the baby got bigger and we introduced solids, he slowly weaned. 

Once again, as my “perfect” life would have it, my brother in law was getting married out of town. My mom offered to watch the baby so my hubs and I could have a weekend away. I was 8 months post partum and I felt it was time. I came home from the wedding and my mom hid my pump and life continued wonderfully.

Fast forward 3 years, we bought a house, and moved my family of three out and over a bridge from my parents. We were about to grow by one more, I was on my own path of becoming super mommy. The most uneventful pregnancy and scheduled c-section. Secure in both of our jobs, I was prepared for my eight week maternity leave something I had never known. I had high hopes of exclusively breast feeding and pumping up a breast milk supply that would last the remaining 6 weeks of teaching until I had summer vacation. Well to say it was an awful experience is putting it nicely. In the hospital I had no problems. When I got home, the baby didn’t want to latch. I thought I was a pro, this wasn’t supposed to happen. What was I doing wrong? Oh and I’ll never forget, one night when the baby wouldn’t stop crying my husband, in his attempt to help offered to go buy formula. Forget it, I lost it. I know he didn’t understand how hurtful his comment was but that definitely did not make it better. The pediatrician told me to introduce formula at four weeks due to lack of weight gain and so there you have it, I thought to myself, my breastfeeding journey is over.  I was wrong!

Another thing that really made me cry, with my first born, I never offered a bottle. When I was around it was boob. Not until I was done at 8 months did I physically have to offer a bottle. With my second, boob wasn’t satisfying him. When I had to offer the bottle, I selfishly cried. I know “fed is best.” That didn’t make me feel any better, instead I felt inadequate that my body couldn’t do what it was supposed to do. I’m blessed to have live in help Monday to Friday. Another set of hands but there’s still only one mommy. My husband works weekends and I was alone with two kids. Little did I know, the demands of an almost four year old would over take my ability to relax, to produce milk and nurse in peace. Desperate to increase my supply, I was meditating, praying and crying. I was eating all sorts of things and doing a ton of reading. Nothing was working! A desperate attempt or last straw was contacting a lactation consultant. Hands down the worst experience ever. She didn’t listen to me about not wanting non FDA approved drugs. (I won’t take Tylenol when I’m sick, now was not the time for experimental drugs). I’m gluten free so I can’t drink standard beer that also stimulates production. Oh and to make matters worse, instead of celebrating that I’m doing the best that I can, she felt the need to share that her breast feeding experience was over production of milk. When she left, I felt even worse than I already did. It was through Instagram that I found support! Priscila was so uplifting. I also found many pages to follow that celebrated motherhood in all of its forms.

The time came and I went back to work. The pumping situation was less than ideal. In an effort to stay positive, I was going into work as late as possible, coming home on my lunch break, and leaving as early as possible. Constantly crying to my mom who encouraged me NOT to give up. She just kept reminding me that summer was around the corner. Without school in session, that would be one less stressor in my life. She also told me that even if the baby gets a teaspoon of breast milk those are antibodies and I’m building his immunity. Thank god for her. She is my tribe, my warrior of inspiration. She is my cheerleader. Here I am, baby is five months and I’m nursing more than ever. He still has his formula bottles and I’m perfectly fine giving them to him. With the introduction of solids, I “wash” them down with nursing. Boob helps him go to sleep.  I marvel at the fact that women’s bodies are capable of such amazing things. With September around the corner, that means one thing: back to school! I don’t know what’s in store for me with this journey. I never liked pumping but I don’t feel ready to give up. I will try my best.

If I had one message to pass along to new mothers, it would be “you got this! You are amazing!”

-Ariadne T. L.