Why There Is No Such Thing As a Perfect Story

Aside from Disney fairytales and contrived Instagram posts, nobody has a perfect story. How you get to and through breastfeeding is different for everyone and “her” story is NOT your story. 

Though sharing tales and having a support system is crucial to survival during this process it all needs to be taken with a grain of salt and well understood that you are unique as is your baby. What happened with your first baby if you are a second or third time mom doesn’t mean it will happen with the next one. 

So we have tons of information out there about the “IDEAL” situation for birth and the first hour that supposed to be laden with lots of skin to skin contact, quiet serene room a perfect latch and the beginning of your breastfeeding journey. 

It’s unfortunate to state that this isn't always the case and sometimes that's okay, just because there are bigger issues at play. I would be lying if I said my birth story didn’t upset me, but with time and understanding I knew it had to happen that way to be where I am now. 

My work experience somehow made it harder for me to cope for what took place, though everyone around me told me I should know better than anyone about why those things happen. After two days of back labor at home I went to the hospital where I was readily admitted, I received my epidural and tried to relax the rest of the way through. Putting all my hypnobirthing practices into play and… YES I listened to hypnobirthing with an epidural, strike me down now. Well not long after I had ended up having an urgent c-section due to my sons heart rate repeatedly dipping. Not so bad right, happens all the time and people get to kiss and hold their baby in the operating room and in recovery. Well not for me, and quite frankly that’s ok well long story short due to me having trouble recovering and him needing extra care I didn’t get to hold and attempt to latch my baby until he was 10hours old. YES 10 HOURS LATER….basically goes against all breastfeeding advice. Well the moment I could hold him we did skin to skin and had a successful latch...with some work and adjusting. 

I made sure to have had several visits with the lactation consultants before I was discharged. Everything looked good and seemed ok by the time I went home. Looking back I told myself I’d be in pain and uncomfortable so I tolerated a lot more than I probably should’ve. Fast forward to our first night home, everytime he latched my toes would curl, I winced in pain and had a visible wound on my right nipple, not sounding so great anymore right.

Now comes in the dreaded MOM GUILT, oh yea she reared her ugly head 3 days postpartum. How could I, ME fail at nursing my baby how could I have thoughts of wanting to give up because the C-section recovery pain was beyond anything I could’ve imagined. Wasn’t this supposed to be a beautiful nurturing and bonding time? Well it felt very far from it I was crying so hysterically my husband gave my mom this look that was a mix of confusion, concern and bewilderment like “What the heck is wrong with her”. Oh beautiful post partum hormones, don’t we love them...said no woman ever. 

Soooo I swallowed the pride and guilt and called my insurance practically begging them to get someone (Lactation Consultant)  to my house immediately to help me. While I waited for pre approvals and finding someone available nearby. I scoured the internet for any information I didn’t already have to help me...let me ruin the story for you now, I learned nothing new and just felt overwhelmed. 

The Lactation Consultant came to visit... 3 Hours later with her my life was changed forever! All Hail Pam the best LC ever! You Go Pam! BTW I still have her number and text her regularly with questions or advice.

I needed her more than I knew. I needed the information, the support the physical assistance and I needed to see that my baby was gaining weight and that I was doing the best I could. Writing this post now it blows my mind to think how helpless, guilty and in pain I was at that point and it’s not fair to any new mom who is trying her hardest to ever have to feel that way. I saw right then why people quit, had I not had the support of my mom and husband, had I not reached out and gotten the help my breastfeeding journey would’ve ended that 1st week home.

All this is to say that everyone's story is different, how you come to the decision to want to breastfeed, how your birth and postpartum go. What you feel and the support you have is all unique to you. So don’t beat yourself up because it’s not looking Instagram worthy or how all those books and youtube videos didn’t do squat for you when you needed it. You don’t need to give up and you don’t need to ever compare yourself to anyone. 

My job as a Labor and Delivery nurse had offered me plenty of experience and knowledge on breastfeeding, and even with my own endless research during pregnancy I still wasn’t prepared enough for my own personal experience. Like all things in life nothing worth having comes easy.

“The man with insight enough to admit his limitations comes nearest to perfection.”

- J.Wolfgang Von Goethe